Refocus.

The day after my baptism, the missionaries gave me letters they had written specifically for me to read later in life, once the freshness of the gospel wore off and I needed a reminder. As I'm sure they knew I would, I read them later that night, but ever since then I've kept them packed in my "Mormon box" (which I still haven't stopped using since I moved out of my parents' house... old habits die hard). Something that was said in church today triggered a memory of those nearly-forgotten letters. I doubt my missionaries expected me to need them after just one year, three months, and five days, but I knew it was the right time. 

When I opened the first one, my eyes skipped down to the middle of the second paragraph, where he wrote about sacrifices. I hadn't quite forgotten all of the sacrifices I made not so long ago, but seeing them lined out in that careful block handwriting reminded me of just how huge they were to me then. I didn't give up some of the most important things in my life so that I could take a few steps forward and then stop again. Making the decision to be baptized was an act of pure faith, a desperate last attempt to turn my life around and focus on something positive. It was, as that missionary reminded me, the best decision of my life thus far, but it was never meant to be the stopping point -- it was a new beginning. After listing my sacrifices, he told me that the key to making them worthwhile is to always remember them and to make every decision throughout the rest of my life with those sacrifices in mind. 

Can I honestly say that I've been doing that? I try to remember the covenants I made at my baptism, but looking at the past year of my life, I have to admit that I haven't always held up my end of the deal. That's what the atonement is for. My missionary's point wasn't that I would never make mistakes; everybody does. He wasn't encouraging me to be flawless, but to keep my focus on the truths I was learning and the sacrifices I made in order to act on those truths. 

Over the past year, I've lost some of my focus. It's not that I've stopped looking in the right direction, but the image isn't quite as sharp as it was when I was baptized. I've zoomed out so that, although the things that matter are still there, they've begun to blend in with the rest of the picture. The gospel has never ceased to be an important part of my life, but it isn't the first thing on my mind when I have a decision to make. My attention to the sacrifices and covenants that were so crucial then isn't as strong as I would like it to be. 

The answer to fixing it is written out in the letter, drawn directly from the scriptures -- remember. Remember my personal sacrifices, remember the baptismal covenants, remember the commandments, and most importantly, remember Christ. By taking the time to refocus and remember, I can ensure that my decision to be baptized won't be the last good decision I make.