You Cripples Think You're So Special

Today I went to Walmart. (What a mistake, right?)

When I was parking, I noticed an alarming tendency for cars to be parked in the ramp spots next to handicapped parking places, so I chose to park in a spot where I thought it was unlikely to happen because the ramp spot was too small to fit a typical-sized car.

That was a nice thought, but it didn't work out as well as I hoped.

Fast forward to when I'm ready to leave. A car is, of course, parked just close enough to mine that I can't get onto my ramp once it's down. (Please note: This happened 5 total times in the 3 years I lived in Morgantown, but it's a regular occurrence here in the cesspool known as Allegany and Mineral Counties.)

Now, I'm not the world's best parker. I've never parked illegally, but I've definitely been guilty of parking sloppily enough that people have probably been annoyed. So I am generally pretty nice about this kind of thing, despite my inner (and insta) frustration.

Today was no exception: I decided right away that I was going to be pleasant and friendly and say absolutely nothing about it to whoever owned the car, trusting that just seeing me there would shame them into being better in the future.

That approach has never failed me before.

This time, however, it wasn't to be. The owner of the car happened to be the meanest little old lady I've ever met.

When she came out of the store, I smiled at her from where I was sitting (with my feet on my own car), said hello, and went back to texting while she loaded her groceries into her car. She put her buggy away -- allllll the way back in the store, because she's much more responsible with buggies than with cars -- and then returned.

"WHY ARE YOU SITTING BY MY CAR?"

<This is someone's grandma. Smile.>

"Um, this is my car, and I'm waiting for you to move yours so I can get in it. I need that space to put my ramp down."

"Don't you sass me, you little piece of sh*t!"

<She's someone's senile grandma. Smile.>

"I'm sorry, ma'am."

"You cripples think you're so special! You get everything just handed to you! Other people need to park too, you know!"

<Force a smile and don't open your mouth, Heather.>

"You f***ing little piece of sh*t! People like you shouldn't even be allowed to go out by themselves!"

<Okay, this grandma was probably in the KKK, a glare might be okay.>

"I should call the cops!"

"Um... for what, exactly?"

"You're just sitting here next to my car!"

<Senile grandma, senile grandma, senile grandma.>

"I'm waiting for you to move, ma'am."

"F*** you! [unintelligible muttering] Cripples think they're entitled!"

<My momma taught me not to curse.>

"Okay. I don't want to argue with you. Are you ready to move your car?"

"YOU CAN'T F***ING TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY CAR!"

"... right."

So I decided to go back into the store, because some crazies just aren't worth fighting with and Senile Grandma couldn't stand there and curse into thin air forever. As soon as I turned to do so, she got in her car, slammed the door, and sped away.

Good riddance.

Anyone who says ableism isn't real, I invite you to look up Senile Grandma. She'll set you straight.

The worst part of my day? Walmart didn't even have washi tape.

How am I supposed to Mormon without washi tape!?