October Testimony.

Recently I came across something that I wrote a year ago this weekend. The year and especially month leading up to that were difficult, to say the least. I know that last October I didn't believe life was ever going to get better, and in some very shallow ways I was right. I'm always going to have certain trials. That's life. The bad things don't always go away.

I chose to keep going that conference weekend because I received a priesthood blessing that gave me a little bit of hope. I didn't plan to ask for one, but I got so sick I had to. (What else is new...) It reminded me of Christ's love and that He knows everything I'm experiencing. Not just the physical stuff, but how I feel about all of it as well - my sadness, my fears, somehow even my bitterness and loss of faith. I can't comprehend HOW he can understand all of that when it's a result of my imperfect way of thinking and he is perfect, but I know that he does.

I definitely didn't understand what that meant for me a year ago, and I know I still don't fully get it. But I was reminded during that weekend and I understand more every day that the atonement is real! Life is hard. It has to be. Heavenly Father loves us and his greatest desire is to see us return to his presence better and stronger than when we left. We're all stained by this world, but we're not in it alone. Christ has endured all of those same wounds, and he has the power to help us heal.

I'm a slow learner. I've been grateful for the gospel for all the time I've known about it, but only in the past year have I really begun to deeply understand it. I'm so glad to have had this year to learn, and I'm grateful for the pain and trials that have helped in that process.

Life is amazing, even when it kind of sucks. :)

Disabled Life is Still Life {advice to 16-year-old me}

If I could tell my 16-year-old self anything at all, the first thing I would say wouldn't be about Christ or relationships or bad habits. 16-year-old me wouldn't listen to that stuff anyway. 

Instead, it would be, "Stop worrying so much about trying to do everything just the way able-bodied people do it. You can live successfully in the real world with your malfunctioning body, no matter what your family or the school counselors say. The 'real world' does make accommodations for disabilities, and you can do what anyone else can do, on wheels and in a quiet room with the lights dimmed." 

And then I'd probably finish up with "But don't major in education, because teaching middle school is maybe the one exception." 

For real, I listened to the voices saying that you have to be physically normal to be successful or happy for way too long.