1. It's okay to ask questions! (Appropriate for our relationship.) In general, it's best to ask questions as they come up naturally. (And they will.) We know we're disabled, and talking about it isn't bad. Chances are, we'll bring it up first, but if not, go ahead. We know you're thinking about it. Just try to avoid becoming the guy all of our friends know as the one who asked how we go to the bathroom on the first date.
2. Be flexible. We've spent years learning how to live with a disability. We're used to things not going exactly as planned, and we've learned that it's no big deal. Don't be embarrassed if the "perfect date" you'd planned goes out the window because of accessibility issues. We've had to be carried up the stairs by a stranger before, and we're not going to stress if we have to spend half an hour searching for an accessible bathroom. You shouldn't worry about it either. Just relax, roll with it, and laugh.
3. Plan ahead. We'll be impressed if we get to the park and find that you already know which trails and picnic areas are wheelchair-friendly. We're the experts of searching websites and calling ahead for accessibility information, but we appreciate it when our dates think to do it too.
4. We can do it ourselves. (But help can be good.) Most of us are used to either doing things ourselves or asking for help. Personally, I'm accustomed to opening doors, carrying my food to the table, and moving chairs out of the way, and I don't think anything of it if a guy doesn't automatically do those things for me. We don't want our dates to feel like they need to take care of us. That said, if you would open the door for any other date or we're obviously struggling with something, go ahead and be chivalrous.
5. Related to that... We're looking for romance, not a caretaker. We're already capable of living full and independent lives, either on our own or with the help of a professional caretaker. We don't expect the person we're dating (or even marrying) to help us with our personal care. Don't leave us lying in bed with the wheelchair on the other side of the room, but don't think you're signing on to be a nurse for the rest of your life. We've got it covered.
6. Yes, we can have sex. Most disabled girls are fully capable of being physically intimate with our partners. There are some conditions that may cause "traditional" sex to be too painful, but for the vast majority of us, we approach sex with the same attitude as most other things in life - with determination, creativity, and a sense of humor.
7. Be prepared for the comments. It happens to us often. Some of the most common ones are "Are you her brother?", "You must be a saint!", and "He's taking such good care of you!". Depending on the situation, it might not be appropriate to verbally shoot them down, but we notice how you react. Sorry to break it to you, but dating us doesn't make you a saint. ;) If you must smile and nod in the moment, be sure to let us know you don't actually agree.
8. We like it when you think our gear is cool. My power chair has a seat that reclines or changes height with the push of a button, and my custom-modified van is just plain cool. Boys dig it, and it makes me laugh when they get excited about it. Don't obsess over our tech too much, but feel free to tell us how awesome it is.
9. Use "wheelchair etiquette." Sit down to talk to us when possible, don't speak for us (people will expect you to), don't give the chair a push and let us fly down a hill... you know, have common sense and be a decent person.
10. Disability isn't the most important thing in our lives. I'm passionate about religion, adoption, and sci-fi. I've cared about each of those things for longer than I've been in a wheelchair. We all have different interests and passions, and disability is only one of them. Don't treat the wheelchair like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but don't focus on it to the exclusion of everything else.
